Fred Lynn Gilbert

EULOGY

FRED GILBERT

Fred Gilbert was born in Houston, Texas, on August 17, 1943 to JB and Johnnie Gilbert.

Soon after, his family moved to Mexia (Ma-HAY-a), Texas, where Fred became “big bubba” to sister, Clara, four years later. Fred grew to become a tall, strong young man, taking on the genes of his father, who had played for several professional football teams and even at the Cotton Bowl. Fred also played football in high school, becoming the star player, as well as the Senior Class President.

As a teenager, Fred worked for farmers doing all the things farmers do, such as hay baling, driving tractors, and such. One day, he was riding the trailer on the hay baler as he chewed tobacco—his first experience of the substance. He fell off the trailer and the hook went under his knee cap. Simultaneously, he accidentally swallowed the chewing tobacco. Fred described that experience of swallowing the tobacco as worse than having his kneecap snared by the hook, successfully convincing him this would not be his preferred way of using tobacco.

Another day, he was plowing a field. Unknowingly, he ran over a bumblebee hive. On his next roundabout, the swarm surrounded his head and stung him dozens of times. He was able to get to help, and Help got him to the hospital. Since this experience, Fred had a healthy respect for bee stings.

Fred decided, at 17 years of age, that the small town was not the place for him. So, Fred and his buddy hopped on a bus and headed to a recruitment office for the Air Force. (You see, Fred had successfully convinced his mother to sign a permission slip for him to enlist as a minor.) Upon arrival, both young men had their physical to enable their enlistment. His friend was let go due to having vision issues, but Fred was able to move forward with his ambitious plan to be an Air Force man.

Fred excelled at boot camp and rated so high on his assessments that he was offered the opportunity to go to Radar School. At Radar School, his scores again were so far above average, he was asked to become an instructor. For this, Fred was sent to Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, Mississippi. There he remained for over four years---his entire enlistment. He taught radar to students far older than he was and worked on radar during the Vietnam War.

Ever the overachiever, he also worked part-time as a bartender and attended University of Southern Mississippi, attaining his Bachelor’s degree.

When he was offered re-enlistment, he set his sights on the private world. He opted to work for Honeywell in their computer subsidiaries. This was cutting-edge work at this time.

With Honeywell, Fred adventured to Boston, Massachusetts; Dallas, Texas; Cincinnati, Ohio; Denver, Colorado; Washington, DC; and Kansas City, Missouri. He worked in Middle Management and was often assigned to offices that were not doing well. It was his job to bring them up to par. Outstanding leadership was his career.

In his last ten years before retirement, Fred worked for Rubbermaid and Qwest. Rubbermaid didn’t tell him they were going to be closing the plant to which he was assigned. They offered him to move to Cleveland or Cincinnati, and he said, “Never again!” This choice moved the Gilbert family to Nebraska. But, more about Nebraska in a minute.

Fred was able to reflect about his very successful business career in his final days. He said, “I got wrapped up in business, and my kids had to move a lot. I made work too much of my life. I lost a lot in the process. I was busy at work and didn’t let myself show. I had a rough childhood and I fought my way through it. I was so wrapped up in (work) problems that I didn’t make time to think about them.”

“I didn’t know how to fix it!”

This one big regret and insight changed his life. He began reaching out to the most important people in his life…his children.

Fred had three children along the way…Shelly Watts, Kristen Gilbert, and James Brandon Gilbert (the second JB).

Kristen is a dispatch officer for 911. Kristin has a quiet life in Tucson, Arizona and loves her job, and being home. Like her dad, Kristen loves nature, and hiking. Kristen grew up listening to her father’s vinyl record, “Snoopy Flash Beagle”. It was flashdance but with a beagle. Leaving its imprint on her life, she continues to wear and enjoy all things Snoopy. Kristen recalls when the family lived in Kansas. The family lived on an acre. Dad was the lawn man, built things, and worked—a lot.

Brandon is an engineer as a firefighter paramedic. Fred told Brandon he needed to pursue other options because the fire department might not work out. It seemed to bold a dream. Brandon was just as stubborn as dad, also excelling at his endeavors, and declared. “No. I’m going to do firefighting.” Shortly thereafter, he was hired. Brandon added Heather to the Gilbert clan in 2016.

Brandon recalls he was allowed to help Dad build a deck when he was about seven years old. He remembers that Dad was the giver of unsolicited advice. And, that his advice was always on point.

Fred was unapologetically aware of this, and wore a shirt in his old age with the saying, “I may not always be right, but that’s highly unlikely.”

Shelly is an oncology nurse. She and her husband, Robby have been a couple since 1989.

Shelly was born in Fred’s young adulthood and grew up as an only child with her mother. Fred and Shelly reconnected in his later years. Shelly came to Fred’s final days, learning he had always loved her.

Fred’s dying wish was for his biological children to meet and to know each other. But, more on this later.

Fred also had a bonus daughter…Kara Hudson, through his wife Sheila. Kara is a counselor. Fred accepted her as his daughter beginning in 1997 and was fiercely protective of her. Kara added Nikki to the family in 2008.

Fred’s other bonus daughter, Kim Stilwell, died five years ago of a brain tumor. Kim added Jeff to the family in 1986.

Fred has a grand total of thirteen grandchildren (Joshua Stilwell, and his wife Alyssa; Olivia Watts; Stephanie Watts; Joseph Stilwell; Josiah Stilwell and his wife Lindsey; Jessica Brown and her husband Josiah; Shiloh McHannah and his partner, Aden Tijerina; Aiden Tibbetts; Jennifer DeFord and her husband Andrew; Miranda Murphy; Anna Murphy; Jackson Brandon Gilbert—the third JB; and Logan Gilbert)

Fred also has a crew of seven great-grandchildren (and another on the way).

And, now we will tell you about Fred in Omaha, Nebraska

Fred and his family moved to Omaha in September of 1997. It was a rough start. Brandon and Kristen started school six weeks late, and a snowstorm hit. Ice covered the leaves and branches, and they wondered,

“Why did we come here again?”

Unbeknownst to Fred, the love of his life moved to Omaha in March, 1997. After major life changes, both jumped into the wild new world of on-line dating, and Fred and Sheila found one another in 2001.

Fred said, “She came into my life around the time my world blew up. And, we got through it.”

Despite being polar opposites politically, they were attracted by their mutual intelligence, appreciation of humor, wit, and deep love for their pets, children, and grandchildren. They married in 2002. These attributes helped them thrive despite many differences over 24 years of marriage. They did not put one another into a pre-conceived box of expectations, but recognized the mutual value of freedom in their independence, goals, and meaningful activities.

On their honeymoon, they went to Colorado. Sheila remembers Fred laying on his belly, taking photos of tiny orchids in the Wild Basin in Rocky Mountain National Park. Both loved the mountains and hiking.

Working to build financial stability, they built their lives together. Embracing each other’s families, they treasured opportunities to spend time with their growing number of descendants.

They also enhanced their home with fur babies. They became the center of Fred’s life. When they adopted a pet, he always knew which one would come home. The cats he chose were not the prettiest, the youngest, or the healthiest ones. They might look funny because of health issues, or be pretty antisocial. But, when he detected the cat felt safe with him, he knew he was chosen, and that feline became family.

Fred and Sheila had two dogs over the years—one who is still with us….Jake. Jake taught his Dad to do whatever he wanted. He developed four course meal every morning. If Jake’s waistline was a symptom of how much his Dad loved him, he knew he was cherished.

In this way, Fred and Sheila enriched their home. They were flexible in how they supported one another. When Sheila wrote her doctoral dissertation, Fred took over housecleaning, shopping, and many other household tasks. Then, Fred edited all her work. Later on, Sheila also wrote her book, “My Inward Journey”, and Fred edited every line.

Their tandem lives intertwined seamlessly, pursuing their interests and needs. This increased as they grew older together. Another example of how this looked was on grandkid days.

Known for being an excellent cook, he created a scrumptious menu that always included grilling. He kept separate utensils and grilled separate areas, so Sheila’s vegetarian food was not contaminated by his voracious carnivorous endeavors. The grandchildren grew up creating memories playing in Fred and Sheila’s beautiful garden as Grandpa watched the grill, and Grandma worked in the kitchen as they met the needs of the full-day experience.

Fred was purposeful in his choices, if something didn’t make sense, he corrected it.

When they married, Fred agreed to not smoke in the house. So, he smoked on the deck. Sheila took pictures of him standing outside in a blizzard, smoking. Fred looked at those pictures, and remarked, “That’s stupid!”

Two years after their wedding, Fred quit smoking cold turkey. He had smoked since he was a very young man.

Fred’s health began to decline in 2011. Part of his health difficulties included issues with heart disease, circulatory issues, vascular issues, neuropathy, balance, and falling easily. Fred recognized the relationship between his gin and single malt Scotch and his tendency to fall. So, he quit cold turkey on July 24, 2021.

Fred was quiet about his generous spirit, giving above and beyond to meet the needs of people in his life. For example, when their adult children fell into hard times, he ensured their needs were met until they could get back on their feet. These stories are personal and private, but there are many.

In his last few years of life, Fred became more dependent on Sheila. Connected at the heart, she was his peace. Sheila’s entire focus throughout the marriage, and especially towards the end, was Fred’s comfort. They each found ways to express how deeply they cherished one another.

Fred was given the gift of knowing his days were numbered, and he would get to choose how he wanted to die. He learned his cancer had metastasized. Painstakingly, Sheila and Fred started very difficult conversations. He chose to come home from the hospital to be with Jake and Lily (their cat) in his den, with Sheila, living quietly to his end. Spending time together, however they could, was his favorite activity in the world.

With his declining physical abilities, they binge-watched entire shows. West Wing was a winner, with 156 episodes. The Diplomat, Bosch: Legacy, and others were devoured.

Reflecting on his relationship with Sheila, Fred said, “I would say, ‘Thank you for the years. Ups and downs. It’s been good.’”

Collaborating on his health, his life, and his death, Fred continued to offer unsolicited advice, as Sheila caretook him to the end. He wanted to be sure nothing was forgotten. Especially, about what mattered to him. 

Fred successfully moved from a focus of achievement to a focus on relationship, even and especially with his pets. This shift in his life was dramatic. He worked to build relationships with his favorite people until his very last day.

As mentioned earlier, before he died, Fred wanted all his kids together and to know each other. On his very last day of life, Shelly, Kristen, and Brandon hugged one another, and stood over Fred, so happy to claim their inheritance as siblings. Dad lay in the middle of the conversation. His heart must have been full, as he could hear them, but not offer any more unsolicited advice. He didn’t need to.

He waited until they were gone that evening before he breathed his last breath, at peace. The tree of relationships he watered in his older years finally bore the fruit he had longed for. When this was accomplished, he knew it was okay to leave. Two hours after they left, he crossed the bridge to the other side.

Fred achieved his greatest goal, to love.

In lieu of flowers donations can be made to the Humane Society. 

For the service casual dress and funny shirts are welcome!